“And just like that it hit me,

I saw your face on the rooftop the wind blowing in your hair, frozen in time. I was looking up at the stars when I gazed onto your face. Long black strands of hair falling softly in the breeze. If I said you looked beautiful we would have laughed and you wouldn’t have believed me.

It felt like yesterday, I remember it so clearly it’s not right. Or it’s not fair. Those memories are of a different me and a different you of a different us. Oh How things change. The memory filled me with joy and a longing to hear your voice, to laugh till we cry, to talk about nothing and everything all at once, to have the me and the you of a different time is.. well dead and gone.

And just like that it hit me,

we are no more. “

Music Appreciation


So this is a music appreciation post. Where do I begin, music is something that I have always had and always appreciate it. I can honestly say that I to listen to everything, I have favorites from certain genres but I don’t like the genre. That is equivalent to likening a single track on an album but disliking the whole album.

Music in general is too vast to really talk about or write about because the post will never end. So I’ll discuss certain music I like what they mean to me as a creative human . So I mentioned that I listened to everything but I have my bands or artist that are mine, that doesn’t make sense so let me explain.

When I was very young, I listened to Blue, Britney Spears, Usher, Avril lagvine and Evanescence. I knew nothing about genres or music just that I liked it. As I grew up, and let’s face it became an angsty adolescent I listened to Evanescence, 12 Stones, Three Days Grace and Linkin Park. And well hello Rock or alternative Rock music to my life. I continued listening to these bands growing up. (I did listen to a lot more but those mentioned are the ones that still impact me today)

So what I mean by mine, is there are 3 bands that I cannot ever leave behind. Their music will forever be a part of me, because their music helped me become the person I am.

Those three bands are; Evanescence, Three Days Grace and Linkin Park. I’ll explain about each band separately really go into why their music till today, speaks to me and my inner self.

Starting with evanescence:


Evanescence was a band my 10 year old self discovered while listing to Blue and Britney, I never really realized just how different the music was but my 10 year old self didn’t really care. Evanescence taught me something very unique, that basically it’s okay to be different. To have your own style. Amy Lee’s (the lead singer) has an almost operatic voice it’s so beautiful and mesmerizing yet powerful. Mixed in with the heavy drums and guitar it gave its very unique sound that even proclaimed rock haters enjoy. It was the music the mix of her vice and the music the followed hooked me. I can’t stay much about the lyrics as this something that never related to. Still love, but cannot just relate to it. Listening to their most famous song, Going under, you can really see the darkness of the music and her voice how they mesh so harmoniously, it’s captivating.


Now the band has changed and evolved, most of the original Members  have left the band now, only remaining is the lead singer, who has now created baby music and lullabies, not sure exactly what this means for evanescence the rock band but will see what the future holds.


Three days grace, I am not really sure how to describe TDG but I’ll try. I discovered them through the movie by Hilary duff (what was also a favorite singer of mine) in the movie she protagonist goes to the concert of TDG and then drama follows. The thing is I was so captivated by the concert scene is that I clapped when the concert was done. In the movie , yes I clapped for my tv screen. I am not sure how I processed things at the time. But this is what I was hooked on three days grace, I found them online, “just like you” was one of the first songs I heard. Then I was a fan for the release of the second album One X. That was everything, I had a Walkman even thought iPods were a thing. And this was the only CD inside. I loved it. Their music and words took me to a place where I felt safe. A world that was my own. And that is something that I can still have 10+ years later. Listening to Over and Over just a few days ago, still gives me goosebumps, it sends chills down my spin and provides me with a safe heaven. Today though while I am still a fan of the ban, the lead singer Adam Gontair has left the band to be an independent artist, and he was replaced by Frontman of My Darkest Days Malt Waltz who is also the brother of the guitarist Brad Waltz. Because of this their sound has changed, as Matt brought a different sound to the band, completely different to Adam’s voice. I will forever support them and if I am lucky enough to attend a concert I will be screaming at the top of my lungs, but their new music will never be home like their two first albums, Three Days Grace and One X.






Linkin Park. Linkin Park. LINKIN PARK, where do I even begin, this band is my obsession I fell in love at 13, Numb from their second album Meteora was life. To say that their music gave me life is an understatement. I was an awkward kid, I didn’t have friends and was constantly bullied. But Linkin park saved my life. That is such a bold statement I know, but hear me out or well read. The first time I listened to their music to was their collaboration with Jay Z, funnily enough I had bought the featured CD for a friend and I never ended up giving it to them, I kept it for myself. This was my introduction to LP weeks later I YouTubed their music and found Numb. And that was it, I cried I found music that spoke to me. It really spoke to all the parts of my that had no voice, listening to Linkin Park I found a safe haven that hugged me and welcomed me to be part of them to sing with one voice. I learned because of Linkin Park I was never alone.

I researched their music and went to their first album Hybrid Theory and fell even harder. This music, these people were me and I was them. To be honest I have never crushed on any other band as hard as I crushed on Linkin park – till today I am turning 25 this month, and their music is home.



Today marks two months since the death of Chester Bennington, the lead singer of the band. I started this blog post around January of 2017. I honestly never knew how to put into words how much LP has done for me. Now, I realized. I did.

Wherever I was, wherever I am, I was always safe. Linkin Park is and will always be home.

Thank you Linkin Park.

Edit: To all the bands listed thank you for making sharing the darkest parts of you, in the lyrics, the music and on stage. The reason these bands resonate in me all those years later is because they spoke to me on a level that I didn’t think anyone could really. Times changes and things progress and as an adult I know that bands might break up or change or pass away. But irrespective of whether some bands will continue to make music or not. I will carry them with me forever.



“in a forest i find myself lost,

in a forest i encountered a girl

being lost i met a broken girl covered in ash, as the rain poured down the ash washed away, I couldn’t look away, the broken girl was glued together, like broken porcelain. I gazed starring at the broken shards stuck together .

being lost, the broken girl asked me to follow, leading the way into the trees, under the branches, never pausing or ducking. i admired the broken girl,  never stopping, tripping, or flinching away as the branches cut into her wrists, her arms, her legs. Bleeding and covered in mud…  A clearing.

being lost, the bleeding girl floating on air in far into the clearing, i falling behind fighting the trees, the slippery mud. catching up, i stood face to face with the broken girl, a step separates us, looking around, finding the broken girl. Bony fingers signals me to come closer.

being lost, i attempted to move closer A pond erupted from the ground. my eyes filling with fear, i look at the broken girl, and still her skeletal hands are telling me to move forward… A lake forming

being lost a lake separating me and the broken girl, standing in the distance skeletal frame covered with torn fabric, long thin black hair cascading down her arms watching me with black eyes… “move” an eerie  windy voice commands me… i fight. the lake grew.

being lost, a clearing, in a forest,  i am paralyzed, my eyes flooding, fear in my veins, anxiety kissing my skin, my legs stopped cementing to the ground. the broken girl is nothing but a distant shape in the abyss standing a sea a way… Hopelessness finds a home in me.

being lost, i fell to my knees in defeat, the sea between us is too great, the broken girl is but an outline… starring at her, her head looking up scanning… in despair i look up searching the onyx sky for answers.

being lost, the onyx sky is empty, the broken girl is nothing but a ghost now. i drop to the bank of the sea, catching a glimpse into the murky waters, crawling closer. into the desolate waters, i saw the broken girl.

being lost, in a forest, in a clearing, on the banks of the sea, in murky reflection, i found me. “

 – MM


RIP Chester.

what is there left to say. really.
‘Yes, i am fine, thanks’
but you are not, I am not fine.
being fine is so unrealistic. so far from normal. ‘fine’ thats bullshit, and i know it.
‘no, really i am okay’
but you are not. i am not okay.
being okay is what exactly? not screaming out in pain, or crying in public.
‘to be honest, i felt like sending you my condolences because i knew you loved them’
but you didn’t, that thought made you laugh.


what is there left to say, what can i say, that would make it better.
what I can say when the person who told me I wasn’t alone fighting my demons,

Gave in too his.

I am so far from okay.
I am barely sane.
but, ‘yeah, I am fine, thanks for asking.’