Onyx

“in a forest i find myself lost,

in a forest i encountered a girl

being lost i met a broken girl covered in ash, as the rain poured down the ash washed away, I couldn’t look away, the broken girl was glued together, like broken porcelain. I gazed starring at the broken shards stuck together .

being lost, the broken girl asked me to follow, leading the way into the trees, under the branches, never pausing or ducking. i admired the broken girl,  never stopping, tripping, or flinching away as the branches cut into her wrists, her arms, her legs. Bleeding and covered in mud…  A clearing.

being lost, the bleeding girl floating on air in far into the clearing, i falling behind fighting the trees, the slippery mud. catching up, i stood face to face with the broken girl, a step separates us, looking around, finding the broken girl. Bony fingers signals me to come closer.

being lost, i attempted to move closer A pond erupted from the ground. my eyes filling with fear, i look at the broken girl, and still her skeletal hands are telling me to move forward… A lake forming

being lost a lake separating me and the broken girl, standing in the distance skeletal frame covered with torn fabric, long thin black hair cascading down her arms watching me with black eyes… “move” an eerie  windy voice commands me… i fight. the lake grew.

being lost, a clearing, in a forest,  i am paralyzed, my eyes flooding, fear in my veins, anxiety kissing my skin, my legs stopped cementing to the ground. the broken girl is nothing but a distant shape in the abyss standing a sea a way… Hopelessness finds a home in me.

being lost, i fell to my knees in defeat, the sea between us is too great, the broken girl is but an outline… starring at her, her head looking up scanning… in despair i look up searching the onyx sky for answers.

being lost, the onyx sky is empty, the broken girl is nothing but a ghost now. i drop to the bank of the sea, catching a glimpse into the murky waters, crawling closer. into the desolate waters, i saw the broken girl.

being lost, in a forest, in a clearing, on the banks of the sea, in murky reflection, i found me. “

 – MM

 

RIP Chester.

what is there left to say. really.
‘Yes, i am fine, thanks’
but you are not, I am not fine.
being fine is so unrealistic. so far from normal. ‘fine’ thats bullshit, and i know it.
‘no, really i am okay’
but you are not. i am not okay.
being okay is what exactly? not screaming out in pain, or crying in public.
‘to be honest, i felt like sending you my condolences because i knew you loved them’
but you didn’t, that thought made you laugh.

;

what is there left to say, what can i say, that would make it better.
what I can say when the person who told me I wasn’t alone fighting my demons,

Gave in too his.

I am so far from okay.
I am barely sane.
but, ‘yeah, I am fine, thanks for asking.’

 

The Lucky Ones

The truth is
There isn’t a nothing left
We all wonder,
Hoping for the better
Better sleep
Better meal
Better

The truth this,
We all walk around empty
We drink each other like poison
An other hit
An other high
An other,

The truth is
We are blinded by the sun
We crave the stars but can’t stay awake
Can’t stay silent
Can’t look up
Can’t

The truth is
We are all broken
But.
There are those lucky ones.
The lucky ones
Who shined.

My Old Friend

And just like that,

I am back
Snapped like a rubber band
You found me, my old friend
4 years ago
I promised
“I don’t want to ever feel this way.”
I said goodbye my old friend, I am off to a better life.

But just like that,
I am back, in your embrace
Falling into the nothingness.

10 years ago we met, by chance.
This time. You’re greeting me like an old friend. 

But its different.
We know,
We both know
I know, what it feels like.
To see the stars shine so bright piercing the night sky

And, just like that
My old friend,
No stars shined tonight

-MM

Enough.

It wasn’t enough. it never seemed enough.
In the moment everything felt so right, as if the world stood still just for us
Nothing Mattered.
it wasn’t enough, it never seemed enough
we know, we knew. but it was beyond our control.
the cosmos pulled every fiber of our being locking us in perpetual stillness.
Nothing Mattered.
it wasn’t enough, it never seemed enough


you.
you were everything,
beyond superhuman, beyond superman,
‘to infinity and beyond’ you joked.
nothing mattered.
it wasn’t enough, it never seemed enough.

I,
I was kryptonite.
breaking you, destroying you.
We weren’t enough for this life.

– MM

She is Me?

“She is me, but so are they, and her.
she is the part that is locked away.
they are those that restrained yet free.
her. her, is the one everyone knows.

but she is me,
she is me,

they are a bit of everything,
some people hate them
some people love them
some don’t care.
they are the coils on a spring, together they bounce,
one can take the lead, but never the spot light.
her, always center stage. in demand, in control.
they try to fight her, but never does that happen as she is in control. always.

but she is me,
she is me,

she is locked away in the depths of an abyss chained yet formless
she is powerful, bound and trapped for she can be in control.
she is wrought in battle scares, darkness seeps out oozing  like a leaky faucet.
they are afraid, her ensures the locks don’t break.

but she is me.
she is me.

her. fights, using all the tactics. strategizing, and planing
a back up for the back up.

she is me and she can’t
she cant have control
she cant,
for it will end us all.”

-MM

Bitter Sweet

‘To think of the past is only a Haunting Dream
It lingers in the heart
Burdens the mind
Clouds the soul
Yet its a Coveted Feeling
A ‘Bitter Sweet’ Essence If You Will
Our logic exceeded the Definitions
But Our Hearts keeps lusting
For the Disappearing Nightmare’
– MM